Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Chronicles of an Online Dater Vol. II

Well, friends... I'm starting over. Again.

...

Please allow me a second to wallow in my own self-pity and let the loneliness and doubt take over. Just a second to repeatedly ask myself "how did life come to this?" and "where did I go wrong?"

Alright, time's up. Pressing on...

So, clearly, Ryan and I are no longer together. I used to think relationships were determined by whether you loved each other or not. Then life requires you to factor in things like children and jobs and putting down roots and sometimes love isn't enough. It breaks my heart, but at the end of day, it's the cold, hard truth and a very difficult choice had to be made.

I made the decision to try my hand at online dating again. (As opposed to... ????) I spent a lot of time tweaking my old profile, gathering new pics and making sure I was very clear on what I was looking for. In addition to my carefully articulated profile, I'd like to bring a few points to the attention of my single male counterparts:


Dear men of the online dating community,

1. I have posted my acceptable age range in the late 20s/early 30s. You 50- and 60-year-old men sending me winks and messages asking if I'd like to hang out... stop it. You're creepy. Same goes for those of you who live across the country. Are you within my 50 mile radius? No. Move along.

2. I apologize in advance that my photos are a bit misleading. The Andrea you see in those photos... I like to call her "1% of the time Andrea." I rock the messy pony, very little makeup and my beloved sweatpants most of the time because I do not have time and I do not care. Sorry not sorry.

3. I do not hide the fact that I am a mom. I'm pretty sure it's the most obvious thing in my whole profile. So no, I cannot "dump my son somewhere" and meet you for drinks in an hour. Really, guys? Maybe I'll just post this really awesome link in my profile so guys can maybe start to understand what goes through the mind of a single parent. So no, most of the time, I cannot join you for a night out on the town... I'm busy at home watching Disney movies and playing with Legos.

4. Then there are you guys who, under the kid category, have "do not want" checked. You're the reasons I have to put the phrase "my son and I are a package deal" in my profile. Stop contacting me.

5. Please think of your profile as a resume. You are trying to impress people. Please use things like punctuation, correct spelling, capitalization and spell out words. i no u iz lookin 4 a hawty... but no one is impressed with your middle school slang. NO ONE.


Gahhh... are all the non-smoking, educated, ambitious, Christian 20/30-somethings who love dogs and children already taken? I'm beginning to think so. Maybe this time around I should've tried a different site. I hear Petfinder.com has a plethora of loyal, kid-loving, affectionate males...
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